We're Killing Our Churches

One of the things that attracts me to people is how they deal with others. I like people that help other people and enjoy doing it. I hope I am that way and I am absolutely certain my fiancé is like that, after all that’s what got my attention to begin with. There is something special about the kind of person that would stop and talk with others at a time they need it most. They would be the ones to help the person at the grocery store that’s a buck or two short. There are a lot of people in my church that would do that.

There are a lot of people in most churches that would do that. For Christians the Greatest Commandments are written in Matthew 22:36-40. Jesus is asked “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” When I read this I wondered why many churches don’t go by these commandments first and foremost. It ultimately kills a church when they don’t follow the word of Jesus Christ, especially the two Greatest Commandments. We are the ones making the decisions.

In Autopsy of a Deceased Church, Thom Rainer studies the death of fourteen churches and the results are not all that surprising. Every church had one symptom that slowly and steadily strangled it. It was the leadership of the church having made a transition from outreach to pleasing the members that were already inside. It is such a simple formula! Love thy neighbor before we remodel the coffee shop. Love thy neighbor before we build an addition. And the list goes on.

 There are many reasons churches end up going the route of pleasing their members before doing outreach programs. One of them is money and another is inside politics. For instance, as a church has to make budget cuts do they cut outreach programs or the things that make staff and elders comfortable? As Rainer has proven, the churches that cut their outreach programs have injected themselves with a sickness that can’t be reversed. These churches have forgotten Jesus words and have chosen to love themselves before their neighbor. It IS that simple.

Churches don’t just die. We kill them. We do it so subtly we don’t know when it’s happening. Nobody intends for it to happen. Nobody goes to church and says “hey, let’s kill this place today.” Like our society, the influence of the ‘me first’ generation created such a paradigm shift we think of our own comfort before we do anything else. We kill our churches by ignoring the reason Christians go to church, Jesus Christ. The same thing that attracts me to certain people is the same thing that attracted me to my church. It is the honest attempt to help others and make a difference in our community. After reading Rainer’s book I’ll be watching for a shift in our church as well as every other one. If outreach ministries are cut to afford remodeling the nursery I’ll know where we’re headed.

When Larry Met Sally

Life is backward for most people. I know a woman named Sally and she is one of the most backward thinkers I’ve ever known, but she is funny and personable. We love being around her.

She recently went through a very tough divorce and when I asked her how things were going for her she simply said “terrible.” After an awkward moment of silence she told me how much she missed him and I empathized with her. She went on to tell me how she missed everything about him.  She still loved him and enjoyed her conversations with him. They especially liked the long walks they took together. In the next sentence she told me “he was always so bitter.”

Whoa, that threw me for a loop and I was speechless. She missed him? She missed their conversations and their walks together? 

I finally got up the courage to clarify things and Sally surprised me with an explanation that I didn’t foresee.  It turns out her ex-husband was so bitter he fought for custody of their dog and won. And it also turned out she loved her walks and conversations with her dog. When she said “I miss him so much” she was talking about the dog. She didn’t miss her ex-husband at all, but she sure missed that dog.

For days I would think about that conversation and laugh. I was never going to forget that one.

Then, when I was at church this morning I heard another conversation that seemed backward. This gentleman I’ve known through the church for over five years was talking about a road-rage incident.  This woman he was behind on the interstate was in the fast lane, but was driving really slow he said.  He said he was patient, for about 15 seconds, and then he pulled up right behind her so she would realize how she was blocking him. She didn't ’move over right away so he honked at her and motioned her to move over. She finally moved over and when my friend passed her she gave him the finger. It wasn’t over.  He then pulled right in front of her and slowed down to 69 miles per hour just to intensify her anger. And then it happened.

The State Patrol was running an intensified speed trap right in the area this all happened. They pulled him over, but left her alone. He almost seemed like he was in a rage at the injustice of being pulled over and her being let go. I had to leave at that point in the conversation so I missed the rest of it.

One of my mutual friends had been right in the thick of it during the telling of the story so later I asked how the story ended. He started to smile and then broke into laughter as he told me the rest of the story.  It turned out our friend was going 81 miles per hour and a State Patrolman on the other side of the freeway had to turn around and catch up to him in order to issue a ticket to him.  The patrolman saw what he did in his rage so instead of a speeding ticket he was also cited for careless driving.  The patrolman also told him he was lucky not to be charged with reckless endangerment.

As it turned out he had been going 81 miles per hour and pulled up behind this woman who was only doing 74.  The speed limit was 70 but he wasn’t satisfied with slowing down to 74 so he became enraged and acted like the village idiot that had gone missing.

Ironically, the sermon was about forgiveness.  Our pastor is a brilliant teacher and he drove home the message of forgiveness.  My fiancé and I were excited about the message and thought about how great it was for everyone to hear.

As we were leaving we saw this guy telling his road rage story over again in the gathering grounds. He was still enraged with how this woman “caused him to get a careless driving ticket” and how the “State Patrolman ought to lose his job.” Anita and I smiled at each other and forgave the storyteller for being so totally unaware of his hypocrisy.

We probably all know someone that goes to church every Sunday but doesn’t have so much as a single piece of the Christian worldview. My observation is that every time I meet someone who dwells on the past they are unhappy. When I see someone with a vision for the future they have the ability to lead and are generally happy.

There is a message there. If you want to become very happy, figure out what God’s will is for you and establish a vision for yourself.  After that, dedicate yourself to your vision and work toward it every day. The little crimes against you don’t seem so bad and forgiveness comes easy.

Finding God’s will for you will be a life-changing event.  If my friend did that he might look to himself for the reasons he got a speeding and careless driving ticket. It is impossible to drive into a bright future when you find you are looking in the mirror the whole time. In real life we don’t always realize what’s going to happen.